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5 ways to classify women the Surat style

Men have peculiar characteristics (duh!) yes but all men across the world, from different backgrounds, religions. Cultures indulge in one very peculiar, yet obvious trait, classifying women.

You’ve heard the regular, run-of-the-mill ones without any imagination, like hot, stacked, high-maintenance, and so on and so forth. This is what the western media propagates, but in my opinion, nothing classifies women like Suratwali (made up or otherwise) the gujarati language has a plethora of these words, that don’t have a real translation into the English language, but here’s the “Doshi’s unabridged” version of the same: following are the 5 ways to classify women the Surat style

Surat Girls

Surat Moms often end up saying this

Business:- Beejness runs in her veins.She has at least 1 relative in the stock market and believes that Narendra Modi is the solution to everything. She feels a slight sense of pride in Ketan Parekh, no matter how much she hides it. She is having a PhD in bargaining by birth. Sensex interests her more than sex.

Food:- She measures the success of a wedding by how many people praised the food and believes packing for any trip is incomplete without thepla. Be it seven in the morning or 1am, gaathiyas are always welcome. For her all types of noodles is equal to “Meggi”!!!, Chhas is her beer! And If a Suratwali starts Koffee with Karan, he would name it “Chhas with Chhagan”.

And yes… no party is over without a round of the Garba.  She expects to eat Thai, Mexican, Italian, Chinese and Undhiyu at the cousin’s wedding.

Language:-  Her conversations begin with kem 6, maja ma ne, and end with, koi saaru investment batavo ne, Winter = undhiyo, Summer = keri no ras, Monsoon = have su karvanoo?! She doesn’t call people, she COALs them, She keeps an “ELARAM” to wake up in the morning.

“Dhirajbhai no babo” or “Maniben ni baby”, the “baba” and “baby” in question could be 40 years old, When someone asks about a person, she say Gentleman Manas Chhey.

She doesn’t have feelings, she has FILLINGS!!! She never goes to office, She go to HOFFIS!

Surat Women are total fashion freaks

Surat Women are total fashion freaks

She understand only one rule of money – never use your own!, “Su nava juni” is their version of wassup?, She goes to a movie HOLE and take outside snakes for refreshments.

Behavior:- She shouts her guts out on international calls, thinking they could bearly hear them. Mount Abu is Switzerland for her. At least 50% of her contacts on phone book end with the word BHAI. Being Punjabi means more chapati, less rice; being Mallu means less chapati, more rice. Being Suratwali means just eat more yaar, shu farak pade 6. Vile Parle and New Jersey feels like home – Apduj 6. She will spend 1000 rupees for a 10 rupee free gifts, free ma male, etle maja aavi jai.

(Dear Girls: Please take this article with a pinch of salt. It is written in a lighter vein and does not intend to demean anyone)

About Laxminarayan Baviskar